SW1 resident pens festive poem

Victoria Street is so crowded
You can't for your life catch a bus
I decide on a walk to Vauxhall Bridge Road
All of a sudden there's hoo hah and fuss.

This geezer's leading a donkey
A bird is sat up on its back
This ankle biter's making such a hell of a racket
A head ache I had has come back .

Three wide boys follow on camels
Myrrh, gold and frankincense
That's not their first names, you big stupid eejit
Tis gifts for the child, that make sense?

I digress, they're in need of a lie down
Somewhere to sleep for the night
So I direct them to the nuns at St Vincent de Paul's
Whom surely, would help see them right.

They knock on the door of the convent
Where the nuns almost die of a fright
Jesus, Mary and Joseph
They've never seen such a sight!

The three weary travellers are ushered in
And offered some hot sweet tea
'Any chance of a drop of whisky in that?' says Mary
'Just a wee nip for Joseph and me'

One of the sisters nips round to the Seafresh
After all it is Friday night
Two cod and chips for the grown ups
Six pennyworth of chips for the mite.

A benediction is hastily arranged
As a full on fish supper is ate
Novice nuns stare in awe at the virgin
Who's looks are just gorgeous of late.

Enlightened nuns pull out all the stops
In making the three of them snug
Mary and Joseph get lilos
Whilst baby Jesus is wrapped in a rug.

The donkey's tied up in King Scholars Passage
Where it look's through the door to Il Posto
Drunken patrons espying the size of the ass
Decide to cut back on Lambresco.

The three wise men stay camped outside
Well they would do wouldn't they?
Three wise men amongst all them nuns
What would the monsignor say?

The next morning brings a blanket of snow
As everything's dusted in white
A crowd gathers outside of the convent
As they've heard who dossed down there last night

A "Pimlico News" hound is present
'Mary any chance of a quote?'
"I want my son reared here in SW1
Amongst decent, hard working class folk!"

Angels sang in Westminster Cathedral
Virgin snow floating down turned to sleet
As an infant King was tucked up snug in a rug
In a convent off Victoria Street.

Enough of this talk of Bethlehem?
Where a mother bore her first son
Anyone can see that he turned out to be
A real credit to Mary and Joseph, who reared him... in London SW1!

P.S
I'm not great on the old religion.
But I believe that J.C was brought up near me!
This may sound like a bit of fun,
But I'm another proud son reared... in London SW1!

Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year To All Of Yee.

Peace.

Kevin Raymond.